mikanphones | 002nd Oversoul ♨ Voice

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002nd Oversoul ♨ Voice

[The house had feels odd when he wakes up in the morning. It's something easy to notice for him, even if it still surprises him at times, like when he was able to felt that Manta was in danger. It's a subtle feeling, general and vague, that something isn't right, that something is lacking. His first thought goes for the samurai spirit that has been his companion for the longest time. It's natural after all, since the first moment he arrived here the samurai's presence had been vague and hard to see, even if he was clearly there, it was also as if he wasn't entirely there. To think that something terrible has happened, like Amidamaru using up all his furyoku to be able to just be in that state of presence or that Yoh's powers have finally vanished for some reason, isn't that strange or a wild conclusion.

But that's not it. Vague and subtle, just a fine outline of what would be Amidamaru's body, but he can still sense him there with him. Still there and also having a bad feeling, or does he actually know what's wrong? It's hard to tell when all he can pick up is a general idea of the samurai's feelings. Anyway, if Amidamaru's there then that only leaves Sonic to be the problem. It had been great to find his second spirit companion at the village as well when he arrived, specially since he was able to talk with him normally, though it made him worry more about why Amidamaru wasn't the same. What was the difference between both spirits?

Yoh makes his way to Sonic's room, it was a bit strange yet to get used to the idea that the spirit had a room of his own, but it didn't really matter much to him. Sonic not being there doesn't worry him either, the hedgehog had always been just like the wind, free and unstoppable when he wanted to be so. He probably had just gone out for some reason or another. Except because his room is completely empty.]

... Sonic?

[Amidamaru is by his side, he knows it and he can feel the samurai trying to comfort him. No, it's not that, he's... Reassuring him, that's the term. Though he's not sure what the spirit is trying to reassure him of. That Sonic will be fine back home? That he's still here at least? No, Yoh doesn't need that sort of reassuring either way. Even if it's sad to see his friend leave after so little time. He can feel Amidamaru try to guide him to the journals, Yoh obbeys easily, he trusts his friend after all even if he can't understand what he's trying to do exactly. Just like his friends trust him even if they don't get him the whole time.

A couple of entries later, Yoh's smiling as calmly as always. The brief moment of worry gone. Apparently his friend hadn't been sent home, most probably he had just been moved like other people seemed to have been moved. Definitively better.]

Hey, Sonic. If you hear this before you return home, can you go and get some groceries on your way here? Since you're already out and all that.

[Yoh laughs, nothing wrong in taking advantage of the situation, right?]

I hope that at least all your things are with you, because there's nothing left here. It will be a pain if we have to go around hunting for them.

How many people have been moved overnight, by the way? Is this a common happening? I can hear that the bit about missing a whole day seems to be common enough to be something to worry about. I really hope this doesn't have secondary effects like making us more forgetful when we grow old, or to start having memory problems before we're too old. That would be quite troublesome.

[And yet, judging by his laugh it doesn't seem he's particularly worried about it. Mostly because he's not, it's hard to worry about something that's beyond his control after all or something about which he can't do anything yet.]

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[ Sob, stop hitting her right where it hurts, Yoh.. because the idea of being mean or rude to anyone just makes her feel really, really hurt and sad, so.. she tries to speak up, she really does, but everytime she opens her mouth words won't come out.

So all that comes from her side of the journals is dead air, practically. ]

[Madoka is a special child. He can tell even if they have just talked a couple of times. He's sure she would be able to see spirits if they were in his world and that she has a good heart. Because only a good person with a pure heart would be as strong as he has seen her be and yet as weak as she is, unable to see her own worth, unable to acknowledge her own strength. She's the perfect example of how bad humanity is, cancer cells indeed, they will eat and destroy anything good around them, use it until it's broken and then throw it aside. Someone like Madoka is bond to be used and manipulated, lied to and reduced to be nothing but a tool for someone to get something, no matter the cost. Because she's not worth for anything else, how could she be when she herself thinks she has no worth?

She's just a white blood cell, drifting alone and lost in the planet's blood system, destined to bring forth good to it and heal it a little but unaware of her own power. Surrounded by nothing but cancer cells that will devour her before she knows it. Just like Manta was. Just like Ryuu was. And he still can't do anything for her, to save her, he still doesn't know the right way to achieve that. Manta and Ryuu were mostly due to luck, he got lucky and had the right people besides him to help him. It's always been that way, Faust, Ren... If he really knew the right way to save someone they would have never lost Lyserg, even if he understands his reasons and everything else, if he could have made him understand... Just like he wants Madoka to understand now that she's special, even if the whole world decided to say otherwise. That just for being alive she's very valuable and that due her heart she's something precious to the world.

If he was the Shaman King he probably would know the right words to use now. But he isn't and he is already suspecting that he will never be, not when Hao is the enemy to defeat. But that's okay, he still believes he can achieve things without being the Shaman King. He just needs to meet the right allies and keep insisting, one day, just like Anna opened her eyes to the world beyond the hate and pain, Madoka may open the eyes to herself.]

I think you're really special, Madoka. Humans like you are scarce and hard to find in the world, even though it's people like you what the world needs the most to get better. But no matter what I say or think, or how many people think the same, if you yourself keep refusing to see your own worth at the end you will be right and you will be nothing but an average child who had no worth or meaning in life. And the world will lose something really important just like that, because you were unable to look at yourself with the same eyes you look at everyone around you.

[ Important to the world..? No way, that's not her, right? Her friends all fought, they all contracted at one point and fought for what they found important, fought for each other, but.. she's the only one who never did that. All she did was just stand around and watch as all of them died, one by one, and now only Homura is left and even she is back home while Madoka is here..

... Compared to all of them.. she's the useless one. So why is it that she's the only one being kept here..? ]

The world.. has already lost things much, much more important than me.

The world has lost many important things, some more important than what you could ever be, some not as important, many of equal importance. But even if that's true that doesn't mean you're not important or that it's okay to lose you as well just because it has lost so many things already.

If you find someone who has lost their legs and both arms and was forever stuck in bed because of that, would you tell them it's okay if they just lose their sight or their stomach? Maybe they could lose their spine since they are already stuck in bed, compared to their legs and arms those things aren't that important, right? They could lose their life completely and it wouldn't make a difference. But it would, because no matter the state or how little they can seem to do for the world, they are alive and still have a future ahead of them and one day they can achieve something greater than anyone else.

But no one will achieve nothing if they sit around thinking that they aren't worth anything, even if others tell them so.

[His tone is still calm and relaxed, but there's no hint of laugh in his words, he's serious and determined because this isn't a laughing matter. Despite his harsh words his tone is gentle and understanding, the tone of a parent who's trying to explain their child, who may still be too young to understand easily, why things are the way they are.]

... S.. sorry, Yoh-san.

[ Madoka, on the other hand, is sounding very much like a scolded child - a little bashful too. ]

You're right, I won't say anything anymore..

[If only she didn't sound like a scolded child and thus just someone agreeing for the sake of ending that which they didn't like.]

The problem isn't what you say, Madoka, but what you're thinking.

[There's nothing wrong in being humble and saying that they aren't special, but she doesn't say it because she's humble, she says it because she really thinks so. That she's worth of nothing.]

W-.. well, it's more just.. I can stop talking, but I can't stop thinking, that's impossible..

You can change the way you think. Isn't that what you try to do when people are being hopeless and negative? Try to make them more optimistic and realize that there's always hope?

H-hmm, yes. I'd like for people to realise that, since it's just too sad without hope.. Nobody can just live without it forever.

Apparently you can, as you have no hope for being anything but average, don't you?

[Really, Madoka, can't you see how sad and irritating it's when someone like you thinks so little of herself? How much damage you do to yourself and the rest of the world just for giving up like that?]

... Well.. there's one way I can become more than just average.

[ She can still contract and try to save Homura, save the world from witches-- ]

But.. a friend of mine told me to not do it.

I have no idea what it is that you have in mind. But I assure you, your friend is probably right to tell you to not do it, because you don't need to do it. You're already special, the problem is that you don't see it yourself.

[He knows how warped the idea of "not being average" is for some humans and what kind of things they think serve to avoid being average... And none of those really serve for that, instead they just serve to take from them even more things until nothing is left.]

B-but.. right now, as I am now.. I can't do anything for the world, for everyone, the way she could. I couldn't fight like her..

... Even though I had the chance. Even if I'd be 'special' then, it wouldn't help anything, would it..?

[It feels as if someone has dropped a weight inside his stomach. Yes... This is one of the many reasons why he hated humans so much, why he still doesn't like them. Simple-minded sheep that do nothing but destroy everything and everyone within their reach, devouring it all until nothing is left, praising as special and great people who do nothing but bring pain and war to the world while executing those who wish for nothing but to save them all with love.

It's not just that, though. I'm nothing special. All my family members are stronger than me, and there are tons more people who could take me on. And since I hate everyone, I'm just better off not getting involved. It feels as if it was an eternity ago when he said those words. When he thought that even if he became the Shaman King he probably would end destroying humanity or something like that. But it hasn't been an eternity, just some years. Some years in which his world shifted and changed, his eyes opened and he realized that he was special, that everyone was special in some way or another.]

Ne, Madoka. Have you ever heard about the Dalai Lama?

Huh..? [ she can't help but blink at the journal in curiosity. ]

I've heard only a little, but.. why are you bringing that up, Yoh-san?

Only a little, huh?

[He hums critically, considering it for a moment.]

Do you know who he is? If not, what about Jesus from Christianity? Know anything about him?

[Don't worry, he doesn't bring them up without a reason.]

I know who he is.. a-and Jesus from Christianity too, we talked about that before at school at least once..

What do you know exactly?

Um.. w-well, about the latter, for example.. They say he sacrificed himself for humanity's sake, right? For everyone's good, he let himself be killed like that..

You meant that Jesus, right, Yoh-san?

He did more than that, though. Just letting yourself be killed has no meaning if you don't leave something else behind. Jesus made many sacrifices, his life was just... The only thing he had left to sacrifice and give for humanity.

[From humans' point of view, of course. At least in his world, Jesus was just a shaman like many others, he had strong convictions and aimed to become the shaman king. Becoming the shaman king, though, comes with a big price, that's something everyone understands once they reach the Patch village. Of course, it also meant that his work wasn't over just like that, but humans can't understand that.]

He didn't fight. He never lead an army or killed people. Even if back then everyone was asking for someone who would lead a war, he did nothing like that. He just talked. I think he trashed a temple or two but that was probably the biggest act of violence he's known for. And then, he let himself be betrayed and killed by the people he loved the most.

But he never fought. Yet his name is remembered thousands of years after his death. Why do you think that's so?

Why..?

[ For a moment she's quiet. ]

I.. I don't know why other people would remember his name, but.. to me he seems like a very admirable person. He tried to do so many things for other people, and in the end he even gave his life for it.. Even if he doesn't fight, that doesn't matter, since he does other things that are good, right..?

Right. Then, tell me... Why do you think you can only be special if you can fight like your friend would? Can't you do the same amount of good or even more without needing to fight?

N-.. no, I think you're right on that, Yoh-san, but.. something really bad is going to happen and.. if I don't help her stop it through fighting, who will..?

I'm not telling you to do nothing. I'm just asking you if you're sure that fighting is the only way to stop it. Fighting is a powerful and quick way to end things, but it has a high price. If you slap someone that person will want to slap you back, even if they don't, someone else will want to slap you for it, and someone else will want to slap them for it. And before you know it everyone will be slapping each other without any particular reason. And nothing will end because even if you slap everyone, they will continue doing it.

That helps no one. Jesus never fought, neither does the Dalai Lama, all they do is talk and try to spread their way of thinking. The idea that everyone is valuable and worth to be loved. It's not fighting power what will save the world, it's the capacity to want to save even your enemies without anyone else suffering from it. I believe that someone like you, capable of having hope and defending her hope even in those circumstances, would be able to make it all end without anyone else suffering anymore. But only if you understand your own worth and stop thinking that the only answer is the one that others have found.

Besides, if you fail and die without having ever acknowledged your own heart and strength... You won't be able to enjoy a peaceful afterlife.

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002nd Oversoul ♨ Voice

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