mikanphones | 002nd Oversoul ♨ Voice

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002nd Oversoul ♨ Voice

[The house had feels odd when he wakes up in the morning. It's something easy to notice for him, even if it still surprises him at times, like when he was able to felt that Manta was in danger. It's a subtle feeling, general and vague, that something isn't right, that something is lacking. His first thought goes for the samurai spirit that has been his companion for the longest time. It's natural after all, since the first moment he arrived here the samurai's presence had been vague and hard to see, even if he was clearly there, it was also as if he wasn't entirely there. To think that something terrible has happened, like Amidamaru using up all his furyoku to be able to just be in that state of presence or that Yoh's powers have finally vanished for some reason, isn't that strange or a wild conclusion.

But that's not it. Vague and subtle, just a fine outline of what would be Amidamaru's body, but he can still sense him there with him. Still there and also having a bad feeling, or does he actually know what's wrong? It's hard to tell when all he can pick up is a general idea of the samurai's feelings. Anyway, if Amidamaru's there then that only leaves Sonic to be the problem. It had been great to find his second spirit companion at the village as well when he arrived, specially since he was able to talk with him normally, though it made him worry more about why Amidamaru wasn't the same. What was the difference between both spirits?

Yoh makes his way to Sonic's room, it was a bit strange yet to get used to the idea that the spirit had a room of his own, but it didn't really matter much to him. Sonic not being there doesn't worry him either, the hedgehog had always been just like the wind, free and unstoppable when he wanted to be so. He probably had just gone out for some reason or another. Except because his room is completely empty.]

... Sonic?

[Amidamaru is by his side, he knows it and he can feel the samurai trying to comfort him. No, it's not that, he's... Reassuring him, that's the term. Though he's not sure what the spirit is trying to reassure him of. That Sonic will be fine back home? That he's still here at least? No, Yoh doesn't need that sort of reassuring either way. Even if it's sad to see his friend leave after so little time. He can feel Amidamaru try to guide him to the journals, Yoh obbeys easily, he trusts his friend after all even if he can't understand what he's trying to do exactly. Just like his friends trust him even if they don't get him the whole time.

A couple of entries later, Yoh's smiling as calmly as always. The brief moment of worry gone. Apparently his friend hadn't been sent home, most probably he had just been moved like other people seemed to have been moved. Definitively better.]

Hey, Sonic. If you hear this before you return home, can you go and get some groceries on your way here? Since you're already out and all that.

[Yoh laughs, nothing wrong in taking advantage of the situation, right?]

I hope that at least all your things are with you, because there's nothing left here. It will be a pain if we have to go around hunting for them.

How many people have been moved overnight, by the way? Is this a common happening? I can hear that the bit about missing a whole day seems to be common enough to be something to worry about. I really hope this doesn't have secondary effects like making us more forgetful when we grow old, or to start having memory problems before we're too old. That would be quite troublesome.

[And yet, judging by his laugh it doesn't seem he's particularly worried about it. Mostly because he's not, it's hard to worry about something that's beyond his control after all or something about which he can't do anything yet.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That she wouldn't do something that made you upset doesn't mean she can't do something that would make you upset. It's a mere matter of if she would realize that it would make you upset or not, if she doesn't she may do it, thinking that you wouldn't take it too seriously or get upset.

[Yoh doesn't deny her optimism or her words. But the human mind is very narrowed and it's easy for it to miss things, specially regarding others' feelings.]

But if that's not the case and it's not a prank. Then it means that there's a problem indeed. You could check in with your neighbors or people whom you both know to see what they remember. If they remember the other person living with you two then it's most likely that indeed something has happened to your memory after all. But if they don't then the problem will be in their memories.

[But both options are just equally bad. Either Madoka would get upset because her memories are wrong or she would have to decide what to do regarding the other two. Confront them and upset them because they are probably all convinced on their memories or let it go and worry about what else could be wrong with their memories and minds?]

It's probably better if you just try to forget it and go along with it either way. If that other person isn't someone bad or that you don't like, there's nothing wrong in taking advantage of the situation to make a new friend, right?

... Yeah. That was what I was trying to do. I didn't want to make anyone sad, and I-.. I guess I just decided it was my own fault, that I might just have forgotten him. And I felt so bad and sad over that, so.. I just wanted to make it up to him, you know?

It must feel really bad to have someone who's apparently so close to you to forget you.. I didn't want to have him be hurt like that. [ even if she might have been the one in the right - maybe it's just better to discard that thought, that option, all along. ]

Madoka. It's not your fault. It's not their fault either. People don't forget others that easily unless they are unable to even remember their own selves. And you're not that type either.

It's unfortunate that the situation is as if for you he has never been there and that for him you have forgotten him, but it's not something caused on purpose by either of you. Unless it's a prank. So you don't need to make it up to him, all you need to do is just relax and move on. Get to know him again and everything else. Without care of whose fault it is or who has the right memories.

[ sob, she just blames herself easily, okay Yoh.. self depreciation all over here. But there's just a pause before she slowly nods to herself. ]

O-.. okay. If you say so, Yoh-san, then.. I'll try my very best. I want to try my best to get along with him and have fun, even if I don't fully understand the situation..

[He already figured that out. It pisses him off a lot, to be honest.]

Say, Madoka... Do you understand why people are born, live on and die? Do you understand why the world spins always in the same direction and around the sun? Or what the universe is and why we exist on it?

... Huh? [ She doesn't get why he's asking her that, but she's nice enough to seriously think about it.. ]

W.. well, I'm not really smart enough to understand all of that, I think.

I don't think there are many people who can understand all of that.

[He replies with a smile, laughing softly and easily.]

But you're still here, right? You still live on and have fun and happiness. It doesn't matter if you don't understand all of those things even if they surround you and affect you.

So it's okay if you don't understand the situation now, that doesn't have any reason to influence on you now. It's just another thing among the many things that we just can't understand.

I think you're right, Yoh-san, but still.. I want to be able to understand this much. Because it's not something big about the Earth, or about life, or anything like that, but.. some part of me still can't help but worry if there's something wrong with me, you know? Since this problem is something that's so close to me, other than those things you mentioned..

It may be them who have something wrong with them, you don't know for sure. Blaming yourself for something you don't understand and you're not responsible for isn't going to get you anywhere.

[And it's quite annoying, what kind of life has she had to have such a beaten up way of thinking?]

... A-ah, yes.. I'm sorry. I'll try to not do it, then..

I'm sure everything will work out and be fine, you're not a bad girl and they probably aren't bad people either. Just be patient and don't try to pin blame on anyone for now.

I wouldn't pin the blame on them either way. I don't think they've done anything wrong, especially not since they seem like a nice person..

But you pin the blame on yourself without any troubles, even if you're a nice person as well.

[ right on the sore spot, Yoh. ]

T-.. that's different..

[He knows, he aimed for it.]

How so? It's not okay to think badly of others but it's okay to think badly of yourself? What does that mean regarding those who think good of you?

I-it's okay for other people to think good of me. I.. think that's actually very nice of them too.

But.. it's just that I personally don't think I'm anything more than average at best, that's all.

So you want others to think good of you even if you think badly of yourself?

... I.. don't want them to, I'm okay with it no matter what they think.. Is that such a strange thing?

No... But it's terribly rude if you ask me. If you don't think you're special even if other people tell you that you are, it's as if you don't believe them, as if you are calling them liars or saying that their opinions don't matter to you. That they aren't important. Or that they aren't good enough to know when they meet someone really special and when they are just in front of someone average.

[There's a short pause before he speaks again.]

I think that's pretty sad and lonely.

[ Sob, stop hitting her right where it hurts, Yoh.. because the idea of being mean or rude to anyone just makes her feel really, really hurt and sad, so.. she tries to speak up, she really does, but everytime she opens her mouth words won't come out.

So all that comes from her side of the journals is dead air, practically. ]

[Madoka is a special child. He can tell even if they have just talked a couple of times. He's sure she would be able to see spirits if they were in his world and that she has a good heart. Because only a good person with a pure heart would be as strong as he has seen her be and yet as weak as she is, unable to see her own worth, unable to acknowledge her own strength. She's the perfect example of how bad humanity is, cancer cells indeed, they will eat and destroy anything good around them, use it until it's broken and then throw it aside. Someone like Madoka is bond to be used and manipulated, lied to and reduced to be nothing but a tool for someone to get something, no matter the cost. Because she's not worth for anything else, how could she be when she herself thinks she has no worth?

She's just a white blood cell, drifting alone and lost in the planet's blood system, destined to bring forth good to it and heal it a little but unaware of her own power. Surrounded by nothing but cancer cells that will devour her before she knows it. Just like Manta was. Just like Ryuu was. And he still can't do anything for her, to save her, he still doesn't know the right way to achieve that. Manta and Ryuu were mostly due to luck, he got lucky and had the right people besides him to help him. It's always been that way, Faust, Ren... If he really knew the right way to save someone they would have never lost Lyserg, even if he understands his reasons and everything else, if he could have made him understand... Just like he wants Madoka to understand now that she's special, even if the whole world decided to say otherwise. That just for being alive she's very valuable and that due her heart she's something precious to the world.

If he was the Shaman King he probably would know the right words to use now. But he isn't and he is already suspecting that he will never be, not when Hao is the enemy to defeat. But that's okay, he still believes he can achieve things without being the Shaman King. He just needs to meet the right allies and keep insisting, one day, just like Anna opened her eyes to the world beyond the hate and pain, Madoka may open the eyes to herself.]

I think you're really special, Madoka. Humans like you are scarce and hard to find in the world, even though it's people like you what the world needs the most to get better. But no matter what I say or think, or how many people think the same, if you yourself keep refusing to see your own worth at the end you will be right and you will be nothing but an average child who had no worth or meaning in life. And the world will lose something really important just like that, because you were unable to look at yourself with the same eyes you look at everyone around you.

[ Important to the world..? No way, that's not her, right? Her friends all fought, they all contracted at one point and fought for what they found important, fought for each other, but.. she's the only one who never did that. All she did was just stand around and watch as all of them died, one by one, and now only Homura is left and even she is back home while Madoka is here..

... Compared to all of them.. she's the useless one. So why is it that she's the only one being kept here..? ]

The world.. has already lost things much, much more important than me.

The world has lost many important things, some more important than what you could ever be, some not as important, many of equal importance. But even if that's true that doesn't mean you're not important or that it's okay to lose you as well just because it has lost so many things already.

If you find someone who has lost their legs and both arms and was forever stuck in bed because of that, would you tell them it's okay if they just lose their sight or their stomach? Maybe they could lose their spine since they are already stuck in bed, compared to their legs and arms those things aren't that important, right? They could lose their life completely and it wouldn't make a difference. But it would, because no matter the state or how little they can seem to do for the world, they are alive and still have a future ahead of them and one day they can achieve something greater than anyone else.

But no one will achieve nothing if they sit around thinking that they aren't worth anything, even if others tell them so.

[His tone is still calm and relaxed, but there's no hint of laugh in his words, he's serious and determined because this isn't a laughing matter. Despite his harsh words his tone is gentle and understanding, the tone of a parent who's trying to explain their child, who may still be too young to understand easily, why things are the way they are.]

... S.. sorry, Yoh-san.

[ Madoka, on the other hand, is sounding very much like a scolded child - a little bashful too. ]

You're right, I won't say anything anymore..

[If only she didn't sound like a scolded child and thus just someone agreeing for the sake of ending that which they didn't like.]

The problem isn't what you say, Madoka, but what you're thinking.

[There's nothing wrong in being humble and saying that they aren't special, but she doesn't say it because she's humble, she says it because she really thinks so. That she's worth of nothing.]

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